me: Happy birthday on the big 6-0. Tell me something you've learned.
She: If you meet a guy, and he's really charming, and things are going great, and you're thinking of moving in together: first do a criminal background check on your loverboy.
me: (With eyebrows raised) Gosh. You sound like two of my old girlfriends, each of whom claimed five ex-husbands. You could not deceive those women. They had already heard every lie.