me: Happy birthday on the big 6-0. Tell me something you've learned.
She: You know how you meet someone, and they're really charming, and things are going great, and you're thinking of moving in together?
I nod my head yes.
She: Well, before you do, first do a criminal background check on your loverboy.
me: (With eyebrows raised) Gosh. You sound like two of my old girlfriends, each of whom claimed five ex-husbands. You could not deceive those women. They had already heard every lie.